Penis

Let me just say this:
Penis, Penis, Penis. There.
That is all for now.

Betty Crocker is a Lying Bitch

Moist, Chewy Brownies...
Instead, the damned box should read
Ass Fatter-Nator

Laundry

Oh, beloved sock;
Once a pair and now single...
I know how that feels.

Snow

Oh, wintry white stuff,
Please only fall on my grass
And not my driveway...

Blogs

Eight blogs for one girl...

Too much for me to handle,

Or perhaps one more? 

Pointy Boots

Winklepickers - WOW!
It sounds like a naughty word...
Then you look it up.

Bathroom Scale

You naughty liar,
You evil, torturous thing...
I'm worth so much more.

Jack

Oh, sweet dog of mine,
please do not eat broccoli
ever again. Wow!

Tree

Crooked, lop-sided,
tinsel-less and no more bulbs.
Light up, freaking tree!!!!

Cramps

If I hear once more

'Have a Happy Period,'

I'll shoot the TV.

Husbands

Husbands amaze me.
You ask them to do something
And maybe they will.